Every NFL team after Week 8, tiered the way they actually are
Two Chiefs losses in two weeks. I'd like to thank everyone who made this possible. Here's the board.
Week 8 Tiers
By Vinny
- S If They Had A Defense: Bills
- Contenders: Jaguars, Broncos, Steelers, Lions, Patriots, 49ers, Rams, Chiefs
- Track Meet: Bengals
- Back On Track: Packers
- Week To Week: Buccaneers, Texans
- Record's Lying But I Believe: Giants
- Record's Lying: Browns, Vikings
- Needs Joe Flacco: Ravens
- Watchable Ass: Cardinals, Commanders, Raiders, Titans, Saints, Panthers
- WTF Is Going On: Cowboys
- Ass: Falcons, Jets, Dolphins, Colts, Chargers
- Cooked: Eagles
- Below Ass: Jets Aaron Glenn
- Ask Me Tomorrow: Bears, Seahawks
S If They Had A Defense
Bills. Held Baltimore to 144 yards. Great. They did it against Joe Fagnano. I'm not grading a defense on a guy I had to Google. Same tier, same complaint.
Contenders
Jaguars, Broncos, Steelers, Lions, Patriots, 49ers, Rams, Chiefs. Jacksonville led Indy 28-0 at the half and leads the AFC South by three games. Denver has won 15 straight one-score games, and Malcolm Roach sacked Mahomes on fourth-and-goal on the last play. Pittsburgh sacked Watson eight times. Detroit handed Minnesota its first loss and ran for 230 on the best defense in football. And then there's Kansas City. Two straight losses. Mahomes is now 80-3 when he's up double digits in the fourth. Three. They're still Contenders, I'm not an animal. I'm just enjoying this.
Track Meet
Bengals. Burrow threw for 462, five touchdowns and three picks, and needed overtime to beat a 1-7 team. 79 points in one game. Bring a calculator and a defibrillator.
Back On Track
Packers. Six sacks on Bryce Young Thursday night, three turnovers of their own, and a win anyway. Back on track. A little wobbly on the track. Still on it.
Week To Week
Bucs, Texans. Tampa didn't complete a single pass and won 16-0. Zero completions. First time a team's done that and won since 1974. They ran for 324 yards in a monsoon. That's two straight wins, which technically breaks the tier, but I'm keeping them here out of respect for how stupid that was. Houston had a bye.
Record's Lying But I Believe
Giants. Bye week, and they're still leading the NFC East. Nobody saw that coming. I did.
Record's Lying
Browns, Vikings. SOMEBODY GET ME A MICROPHONE. Cleveland went to Pittsburgh, got sacked eight times, ran for 34 yards and scored six points. That's 23 straight regular-season losses in that building. Record's Lying. I've been saying it for a MONTH. And Minnesota? First loss of the year. Detroit ran for 230 on the "best defense in football." I said ask me in December. You don't even have to wait that long. I'm undefeated at this.
Needs Joe Flacco
Ravens. Lamar hurt his thumb on the first snap and needs surgery. Huntley got hurt too. They finished with Joe Fagnano and 144 yards. Joe Flacco won them a Super Bowl. Somebody call him. I'll drive.
Watchable Ass
Cardinals, Commanders, Raiders, Titans, Saints, Panthers. Arizona is 5-0 all-time at AT&T Stadium, which is a sentence that makes me sick. Washington scored 27 straight on Philly. Kirk Cousins ran one in and did a chicken wing celebration at 38 years old, and honestly, that alone keeps Vegas out of Ass. Tennessee scored 36 in Cincinnati and still lost. Carolina got sacked six times. New Orleans had a bye.
WTF Is Going On
Cowboys. Beat Philly by 17 on Monday night. Felt incredible. Then blew a 14-point fourth-quarter lead at home to Gardner Minshew, who came off the bench. The Cardinals missed the extra point that would've beaten us, and we STILL lost in overtime. That's not on the team. That's on whoever scheduled a noon kickoff six days after a Monday night game. I'll be filing a complaint.
Ass
Falcons, Jets, Dolphins, Colts, Chargers. Atlanta got shut out by a team that didn't complete a pass. Read that again. Penix threw four picks. Indy lost 42-7 and Jonathan Taylor called it a butt whooping, so I don't have to. The Chargers are 0-7. The Jets led by nine in the third and lost. The Dolphins led New England at the half, which is about as good as it gets down there.
Cooked
Eagles. Six straight losses. Led Washington 10-0 and didn't score again. I put them in WTF Is Going On a few weeks ago. There's no question anymore. We know what's going on. They're cooked.
Below Ass
Aaron Glenn. Up 30-21 at home on a team that had lost four straight. Lost. The boss is still a Jets fan, and the boss still made this row. I just work here.
Ask Me Tomorrow
Bears, Seahawks. Monday night in Seattle. Ask me tomorrow. Or don't, I'm not moving them anyway.